Talking to G-d

A guest post from Yaakov O.

(if you wish to share a original thought, please send an email to blog_at_friendshipcircle_dot_org)

"We found that as soon as we were able to lay aside prejudice and express even a willingness to believe in a Power greater than ourselves, we commenced to get results, even though it was impossible for any of us to fully define or comprehend that Power, which is G-d.

. . When many hundreds (now millions in A.A.) of people are able to say that the consciousness of the Presence of G-d is today the most important fact of their lives, they present a powerful reason why one should have faith." Alcoholics Anonymous-4th edition

"You are children to the L-rd your G-d." (Deut. 14:1) Therefore, it is good to express your thoughts and troubles to G-d, like a child complaining to and pestering a parent. Rabbi Nachman of Breslov, Alim LeTerufah

"Master of the Universe, G-d Almighty! Why do You always pick on Tevye? Why don't You sometimes play a game — just for fun — with, say, a Brodsky or a Rothschild? Why aren't they taught the lesson of Lech-lecha—"Gay avek!" "Get out!"? It would be more to the point with them than with me. First of all, they would get a real taste of what it means to be a Jew. Secondly, let them, too, feel that we have a mighty G-d. . . " Shalom Aleikhem—Lech Lecha

Unlike Tevye, who grew up in a world where he knew what it meant to be a Jew, and felt that he had a mighty G-d to Whom he could talk, I had to enter the rooms of A.A., with nary a Jew in sight, to learn that it was necessary and good for me to talk to G-d. Not I and Thou, but me and You. My first experiment with this came when I was having a really hard time talking on the phone to my ex-wife. One of the consequences of my drinking was that I had lost custody of my 3-year-old son. My ex had complete say over all of my visitations, and made my life hell.
Every time I got on the phone with her, it descended to mutual bitterness, anger and hostility.

I talked to my sponsor about it and he asked me: "Do you have a Higher Power?" "Of course" I replied. "Then why don't you ask your Higher Power to be with you on the conversation with your ex?" "Okay", I said, "I'll imagine that G-d is with me." No, he said, don't imagine that G-d is with you. Ask G-d, out loud, if G-d would please join you in the conversation." "Out loud?" I asked, insecurely. "Yup" he replied.

So I did. "G-d, you know I'm having a really hard time having a civil conversation with Mollie. For my son's sake, can you please come along with me on this call?" I heard myself saying.

"Okay!" G-d replied, in my mind. (My Higher Power's voice is usually but not always female, wise, and youthful, and is almost always upbeat. If you think that requires psychoanalysis ok, but It has worked for me for over 16 years, and it's G-d as we each individually perceive G-d, right?)

I called my ex. "Hi Mollie", I said. There was a pause. "Jeff?" she asked. "Yes, why do you ask?" I replied. "You sound different," she said. Then I heard these words coming out of my mouth: "You know, I've been thinking that I really do understand that you're insecure with me seeing David, for a lot of reasons, but the truth is that I've been sober for a while now, and he and I do have a great time together, and he really is safe with me."

For the first time in a long time, she started to cry: "All I want is for the two of you to have a good relationship," she said. " But you've done so many crazy things, and you've always sounded so angry, so it's been hard to trust you." The conversation went really well after that, and did most of our conversations, at least the ones where I remembered to ask my Higher Power to come along with me. After I hung up, I just said one word, out loud: "Thanks."
"Any time!" Or so I heard.